(Who returned from her walk with raccoon poo under her collar and dangling from both sides of her neck)
Does poo, rather than rouge, better fit your personality? You are, afterall, a fearless athlete.
Or maybe you were going for the eco-friendly look. I'm sure no raccoons or other animals were harmed in the making of the poo.
Maybe you preferred the color, that, I must admit blends nicely with the whites, blacks, and browns in your coat.
Do you like the dangling look? If so, I'd be happy to attach cute baubles to your collar. Give me time and I'll gladly braid them into your ruff.
Or was it the fragrance you were seeking? Do you find raccoon poo a come-hither smell that will attract the boys?
Or are you hoping to repel the other dogs and humans?
When you come home smeared in raccoon poo, I will not be the understanding mother nor the questioning mother. I will be the one who says, "Not in my house."